


Life is Grand

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, X JAPAN
Genre: Asexuality, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2106072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru sat quietly on the edge of the cream-colored couch, his fingers absently working over the fabric of the arm as they'd done a million times before. The beam of light from the window to his left shown across the tan carpet, dust bunnies dancing on the faintest of drafts coming into the room, playing in the sunshine. His free hand pushed the center of his glasses to push them back up on his nose all the way, his eyes flitting over the pieces of furniture in the room. He took one last breath from the room and then stood, moving around the couch and stepping to the doorway where he grasped the handle of the rather large suitcase he'd left there and started for the door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life is Grand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vanillamint](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=vanillamint).



> For jrockyaoi summer fic exchange 2014  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame  
> Song[s]: " In the Shadow of the Valley of Death " by Marilyn Manson

_Kaoru sat quietly on the edge of the cream-colored couch, his fingers absently working over the fabric of the arm as they'd done a million times before. The beam of light from the window to his left shown across the tan carpet, orbs of dust dancing on the faintest of drafts coming into the room, playing in the sunshine. His free hand pushed the center of his glasses to push them back up on his nose all the way, his eyes flitting over the pieces of furniture in the room. He took one last breath from the room and then stood, moving around the couch and stepping to the doorway where he grasped the handle of the rather large suitcase he'd left there and started for the door._

That decision had come nearly a year ago, the one to leave his old life behind and start anew. Dir en grey was but a faded - though pleasant - memory in his past, eleven long years between their conclusion and the moment he'd made the biggest choice of his life. He'd stepped on a plane in the few short hours following the evacuation of his apartment and he'd only looked back once, in those few short moments where they'd been taking off from the ground he'd looked down upon Japan and said his farewells. 

Kaoru hadn't told anyone that he was leaving or why until he was in the air. The point of no return had been reached and then he left the information fly to whomever it may have reached. He had no direct family left, only extended and they seemed to take the news with a grain of salt. Shinya and Toshiya has been equally as blasé about their responses, simply telling him to have a good time as if they thought he would change his mind and come crawling back across the ocean at some point. The one person who had made a really big production over the news had been Die. 

The guitarist had made his move out of Japan fairly quickly after Dir en grey had disbanded, landing himself first in New York City and then in the midst of Texas. But he was still a part of a band - hell if Kaoru could remember the name - that enjoyed the touring life enough to hit Los Angeles at least two times a year and whenever they were recording, that seemed to be where they ended up. The moment Die had picked up the information that Kaoru was headed to LA on his Facebook status, he'd been elated, as he was still within the city and would be for the next month or so, recording.

In the end, it had been Die who had picked Kaoru up from the airport when he'd finally landed and let him share his hotel room for the night since he'd come in so late in the evening. They'd spent most of the next day together, catching up and Kaoru found that even with his decision to leave his past behind, he was pleased to at least have one lingering piece to it, the one who had always brought a smile to his face. They had exchanged contact information and then Kaoru had been on his way, declining to say where he was going and Die just giving him the most knowing look Kaoru had ever seen on the younger man's face.

Sundown had found him at the end of a long winding driveway up in Beverly Hills, a huge Y on the wrought iron gate. At first, Kaoru recalled, there had been no response at all, but after a few minutes, a figure came striding down the walkway. The instant the gate had been opened, Yoshiki had gathered Kaoru up in his arms and just held him tightly against him for a few long moments. Upon parting the only question the other had was, "I hope you intend to be staying here with me?" And Kaoru's response had been a simple nod.

From there, things had gone smoother than Kaoru could have ever hoped. After years of being separated from the man he'd long ago developed feelings for, he'd finally come to be with him, and as it turned out, the older man had welcomed him with open arms into both his life and his heart. At first Kaoru had stayed nearly on the other side of the compound from Yoshiki, the producer insisting he wasn't being any kind of inconvenience and he'd be mad if Kaoru wandered off to a hotel. But as time wore on, Kaoru finally made his way into the room just beside Yoshiki's own. Most of the time it was nothing more than a landing spot for his things, each night spent curled up beside Yoshiki on the bed, the warmth of the other's body a comfort Kaoru had never allowed himself in his life.

Together, the pair of them began creating a life they were both happy within. Now, Kaoru sat across from Die within a café in one of the classier districts of LA. The guitarist looked good for his age, the slight lines on his face only adding to his charm and appeal, the brilliant smile still reaching his eyes when he chose to show it (which was perhaps more often than anyone would have guessed). Age had done anything but mellow Die out. He'd come out the other side of it, just as rich of personality and happy as he'd ever been. 

Putting his tea cup back down, Kaoru leaned back in the booth, taking in Die's slightly more tanned skin and breathing out a laugh. "Been soaking up the rays?"

Die shrugged delicately, leaning forward and then giving Kaoru a sheepish look. "There's this lake by my house... do the math."

"Fishing... and if I still know you as well as I once did, probably skinny dipping." Kaoru swatted a fly out of their general area and then settled once again, a small smirk on his lips.

"Yeah, that sounds about right. Off time is a glorious thing when you have a comforting place to go back to. I used to feel so trapped when we weren't on tour... but now, I just feel like it's a time to rest and recuperate before I go at it again."

"Age and a different era of your life, I suspect." Kaoru braced his arms on the table as well, studying Die for a few long moments before finally breathing out what he'd come to tell Die, wanting someone he could trust to actually know and not wanting to slam the US tabloids with Yoshiki's personal life, the man fairly well known among the higher up crowds in Hollywood. "I'm finally happy... I did something by moving out here that I had been wanting for more years than I care to count."

It was Die's turn to settle back against the seat, dark eyes studying Kaoru for a few moments before Die just grinned and moved to pick up his sandwich. Taking the last few bites, he finally wiped his mouth and then offered a quiet, "So the Y-man then?"

Kaoru nearly choked on his next drink of tea, coughing a few times and putting the cup back down. "How did you know?"

"Please..." Die tossed his napkin onto the plate and loosely crossed his arms, leveling his gaze on Kaoru. "I'm not blind. I never was."

"But you never said a word..."

"It wasn't my business to say anything about. You guys stayed out of mine for the most part and I didn't shove my nose where it wasn't wanted." Die shrugged again and then picked up his water, finishing it off and putting the cup back down, ice clinking in the glass as he did. "But I sort of figured maybe you'd at least come to visit him when you flew out. But the notice of staying here had me suspecting more than that. Guess I wasn't wrong, hmm?"

Kaoru huffed out a small laugh as he used his napkin to clean up the small drops of tea he'd managed to hack out over the table. "You weren't."

Blunt as ever, Die leaned closer and then grinned. "So how's the sex?"

Kaoru leveled his gaze with Die's own and then shook his head. "We don't..." It was a simple statement, nothing upset or longing about it. Just a fact that he delivered to Die.

The guitarist tilted his head and then just nodded, settling back. "Can't or just... how things are?"

"We're both happy without it. Just... not necessary as a part of our relationship." Kaoru shifted to pull out money, tossing it on the little platter telling how much the check was, though he wasn't anywhere near done talking to Die. But it made it easier for the waitress to ignore the people who kept on using the seat if he paid now. 

Die simply accepted the answer as it was, not pushing further on it at all. His fingers found his straw and he began stabbing ice cubes with it as he sat there. A small smile slid over his lips. "You know, there was a point in my life where no matter how not blind I was, I still convinced myself I was alone and no one would understand if I came out about who I really was. But being with these guys has taught me that - at least here - I'm not judged for my preferences. It's been nice... not having to hide a whole half of myself from the world." His eyes flicked up to meet Kaoru's own as he skewered the lemon in his cup with the straw. "Do you feel that way, too?"

Kaoru nodded, a small smile on his lips. "For what it's worth, all of us always accepted you for who you were. We just didn't see the need to express that to you. Perhaps... we should have. But-"

Die waved his hand. "But Japan is an odd creature in that respect. Don't I know it." He stretched a little and then looked at his watch. "Shit, I need to be back at the venue... like ten minutes ago. You're still coming tonight, right? I have you on the list." Standing up, Die studied Kaoru for a few moments, concern bubbling up in his gaze.

"Of course I am."

Die's hand landed on Kaoru's shoulder. "Good... I'm adding a plus one to yours. Take that how you will." With that, he headed out, the little bell on the door telling that he had left and Kaoru found himself simply sitting at the table, a small smile on his face as he came to the realization that that had been the ultimate acceptance from Die. If nothing else, it felt good to let someone else know, to share his joy with one other person in the world besides Yoshiki.

Even as Kaoru left the building, he had a sincere smile on his lips, a glitter in his eyes and a bounce in his step that he hadn't for a great many years. Sociable as he'd never been, he'd always been one to need some form of acceptance... and now he held it like the most delicate of gifts, close to his heart and forever in his soul. Life... was grand.

**The End**


End file.
